The Proudest Day of My Life

On Friday 13th July, I graduated. 

Three years of hard work, stress and tears all lead up to one special moment and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. If you read my University Reflection post you'll know that I didn't have the best start at university. I didn't think I'd ever see graduation day but guess who did it?! I'm officially a Bachelor of Arts and I couldn't be happier. 

My graduation ceremony took place in the morning which meant that I was up at 5am trying to make myself look presentable. I can't begin to tell you how much I stressed about what I was going to wear and how I was going to do my hair and makeup. Either you suit academic dress or you don't and I was determined that I wasn't going to look like a fool (even though I probably did).

The preparations started at half past seven when I went to collect my official certificate and my academic dress. When my parents left me I was a bundle of nerves but the minute I met up with Tori and Caroline the butterflies in my stomach were soon replaced with excitement. We'd spoken about graduation day since we became friends in our first year and let me tell you, the past three years have absolutely flown by. It still doesn't feel like I've graduated. 

We signed in, collected our tickets and our official certificate, then walked down some stairs to collect our cap and gown. Then, we had to get dressed and oh my goodness, those gowns are so much heavier than they look. My cap and gown isn't the comfiest thing I've ever worn but I felt so proud to be walking around the city in it. I was graduating. I'd worked so hard for this. 

I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

The gardens outside the University were full of soon-to-be graduates and their families taking photos, laughing and sharing such a wonderful achievement. I knew that the day was going to be emotional but nothing could have prepared me for how many times my mum cried. I spotted her stood with my dad so I walked over and shouted, 'Hi Mum.' Well, she burst into tears which in turn made me cry, I've never seen so much pride in my parent's eyes before. 

I'll be honest, I could've cried when I saw the girls in their caps and gowns. We've been together for three whole years. It doesn't seem like a long time but you'd be surprised at the bond you make. We've watched each other grow not only as writers but as human beings and I couldn't have wished to spend my time at university with better, more talented people. I can't thank them enough for everything they've done; taking me under their wing on my first day on the course, accepting my weirdness and always making sure I got back to the train station when I'd had a few too many in the Pilgrim. I wish them all the luck in the future because I know they're going to do AMAZING things. 

We joined in with everyone else and had our photos taken. I feel so proud when I look at them. We posed and laughed, all whilst I tried to clip Caroline's cap to her head so that it wouldn't fly off. I'm so thankful that it wasn't as hot as it had been earlier in the week - I'd only been in my cap and gown for ten minutes and I was already sweating. 

Then my Mum and Dad pulled me away for a moment and told me that there was someone they'd like me to meet. 

This is Bethan. 

We'd never met before, well not properly. 

We were born on the same day, in the same year and in the same hospital. Our mums were in beds next to each other and they put mine and Bethan's cots next to one another too. When my Mum would go for a shower, Bethan's mum would look after us both and vice versa. In the first few years, our mum's kept in touch and sometimes I'd hear her say that she'd bumped into Barbara and Bethan in ASDA. I heard these names all the time but I never knew who they were. 

Fast forward 21 years and Bethan and I attended the same university, graduated on the same day and at the same ceremony. Bethan in Fashion and me in Creative Writing. It's one of those things that was incredibly bizarre but made the day just that bit more special. Our mums couldn't stop taking photos of us. Apparently, the formation of the top photo is exactly what it was like in Whiston Hospital in 1997. 

We had our official photographs taken (with a weird little fake diploma) and then followed the sea of graduates and their families down Hope Street. The street was decorated with 'Congratulations Class of 2018' banners and cute little reminders of our time studying in a city we call home.

The graduation ceremony was held in the Anglican Cathedral and I feel incredibly lucky to have finished my university journey in such a beautiful building. Appropriately, a gin van was parked outside as families and friends gathered to have their photos taken. However, I opted out of having a gin - couldn't risk myself stumbling across the stage (which I was already convinced was going to happen). I chatted, hugged, laughed and cried with so many friends who all looked so amazing in their caps and gowns. I know I keep saying this but I really am proud of us all. 

Then before we knew it, it was time to go in. 

I'd say the hardest part of the whole process was trying to find my seat in the cathedral because it's a lot bigger than it looks. Thankfully, Tori and I were sat together and we soon found our seats but we were at the back, right-hand side of the hall so we didn't see much of the ceremony anyway. 

The ceremony itself was emotional but very, very long. As you'll know, you have to watch every student graduate and after a while, it becomes a little bit boring - especially when you're sat at the back and can't see a thing. In the first ten minutes, the girls and I tried to work out just what it is we had to do when we went up to collect our degree. We thought we would have been told before we went in but we had to work it out for ourselves. 

For future reference, if any of you are reading this and are yet to graduate, they read your name, you walk, shake the Chancellor's hand, shake the Vice Chancellor's hand and then walk off. 

You're welcome. 

When it was my turn to graduate, my heart was literally pumping through my chest. I'd been psyching the girls up all morning because I knew they were nervous but as always, I'm hopeless at taking my own advice. Before I knew it, I was handing my card into the woman, she read out my name and I walked across the stage. I shook the Chancellor's hand and he said, 'well done,' and then I shook the Vice Chancellor's hand but he wanted a proper chat. He asked, 'was it hard work?' to which I replied, 'yes, but so worth it.' Then, I walked down the ramp to find my tutor stood waiting to give us a hug. Plus, I DIDN'T FALL!

As I walked back to my seat, I couldn't quite believe what had just happened. I couldn't recall anything, I just did it. Thankfully Bethan's mum was sat front row and recorded the whole thing (which is pinned to the top of my Twitter profile) if you'd like to have a nosey. 

And just like that, I became a graduate. 

A Bachelor of Arts.

With Honours (you can't forget the honours!)

When the Chancellor said, 'you have all officially graduated from Liverpool John Moores University,' the girls and I burst into tears. It was over. The whole stressful, beautiful, hilarious experience was over. We'd officially graduated! We sang the national anthem and walked out in a procession onto the steps of the cathedral. My mum cried (again).

Outside the cathedral was packed full of families, friends and journalists all taking photos of us as we walked out. It was at this point that we went our seperate ways and went to spend some time with our families. My mum and dad couldn't stop giving me hugs and telling me how proud they were. I'll be honest, I was incredibly proud of myself too. 

From being young, so many people wrote me off. My English teacher at primary school told my mum that I'd never do anything because my writing wasn't good enough. In High School, my English teacher told me that I was wasting my time doing a creative writing degree. At University, a lecturer told me that I'd never be good enough to graduate. Well, here I am. 

Bachelor of Arts (with Hons) Creative Writing. 

I DID IT!

After the ceremony, our lovely lecturers held a little party for us at our beloved Redmonds Building as one final goodbye before we left. Tori and I drank too much prosecco and it was so nice to sit and chat with each other's families. My lecturer told my parents that I'm apparently incredibly funny and I somehow made a promise that by this time next year, I'll have turned one of my short stories into a radio play (we'll soon see).

Then, we attended the Prize Giving, drank even more prosecco and found out that one of our favourite lecturers was leaving. He'll be missed but a part of us was so glad that he was leaving with us because he was one of the best. The most emotional part was saying thank you and goodbye to our tutors. They've supported us so much over the past three years and I don't think we can ever thank them enough for the constant inspiration, belief and encouragement. 

I never thought I could ever believe in myself the way I do now and it's all thanks to them. 

In the late afternoon, I returned my cap and gown and we hopped on the train home. We spent the evening at our local Mexican, Sabroso, eating delicious food and drinking a lot of gin. It was the perfect end to a perfect day. 

Overall, the day can only be described as an emotional whirlwind. It still doesn't feel like it actually happened. I have never been prouder of myself than I was when I graduated and it's a day that I'll remember for the rest of my life. I felt so special. Being able to walk across that stage to the sound of applause made everything worth it. I'd do the late nights in the library and the tearful breakdowns again in a heartbeat if it meant that I got to relive my graduation again. 

Here's to the class of 2018!

Lots of Love,

Meg

xxx

University: A Reflection

This month marked the end of an era. 

For those of you who don't know, I've just completed a three-year degree studying creative writing at Liverpool John Moores University. I know it's cliché but I can't believe how fast it's gone, the past three years have absolutely flown by. On the whole, the university bubble has been a crazy little thing. I've experienced a lot and changed a lot. I've grown up. 

With all of this in mind, I thought it would be nice to summarise my university experience in a blog post. It's not only for me to reflect but also for you to maybe learn something about university life.  I know I would have loved to read something like this when I was about to embark on this incredible journey. 

First Year 

The first year of university is commonly referred to as an 'adjustment period' because 'the first year doesn't count'. That's not a lie, it doesn't count for anything. It's the year that students tend to go out every night, spend all their money and socialise as much as they can (it's the only year they'll be able to do such things without feeling guilty). 

I moved into student halls and lived in a flat with three other girls. The flat itself was lovely, we were on the seventh floor, overlooking the docks, and we always had a perfect view of the sunset. However, I didn't fit in and we didn't create a huge group like I'd expected. I thought I'd create a strong bond with my flatmates and that we'd still be friends in 10 years time. Sadly this didn't happen, I had one close flatmate and that was it. I'm not a naturally shy person and I love meeting new people so I was surprised that I didn't click with anyone. The hardest part was seeing my friends from home make such tight-knit friendship groups with their flatmates. I felt jealous, let down and left out. I couldn't understand why I wasn't having the same experience. 

In terms of studying, I struggled. I hated it. 

I felt like I was expected to know a lot more than I'd been taught and I realise that no amount of a-level revision will prepare you for university. After having four months away from anything academic, it was all about getting back into studying again. And believe me, it's harder than it seems.

Originally, I started out studying drama and creative writing as a combined degree. I was this confident young girl, adamant that I wanted to be a drama teacher. However, this didn't go to plan. Studying drama was the worst decision I ever made and looking back, I wonder if I would have had a different experience at another university. I wish I could turn back time. 

Your first day at university is like your first day at school. You want to make friends, you want to impress and you want everyone to like you. It's nerve-wracking and I went through all the same feelings. But I had an added pressure. A demon of a drama lecturer. 

He was disgusting. That's the only word I can use to describe him. He made me feel worthless. He made everyone laugh at me countless times, and all at my expense. He made frequent comments about my weight and appearance (something I've struggled with from a young age). I was always told that I wasn't good enough. I remember him calling me gormless and doing an impression of me to everyone. They all laughed. 

I'd leave his sessions every week in tears. He'd always ask me  'why the f*** are you on this course?' and I never knew what to say. One day, I'd had enough. I turned around and said, 'I don't know' and I never went back. I was very lucky that this happened before the deadline to switch courses. I sent a few emails, changed a few documents and just like that, I became a single honours creative writing student.

The hardest thing to realise at university is that you're not at school anymore. Gone are the days of calling your teacher 'Miss' or 'Sir', a university is a place for everyone. You'll be in lectures with people twice your age and you all have the right to be treated like adults. I noticed that this lecturer treated the older students with respect, yet I got nothing. You're not a child anymore and you deserve to be treated like the young adult that you are. I wish I would have realised this sooner.

In terms of friendships, it was a strange year. I was trying to find out where I belonged, who I belonged with and just where I slotted into the university puzzle. Freshers was cool but there wasn't a social side to it and some of the societies I joined were simply boring.

I made a few friends on the drama side and mainly stuck with the combined honours clique. However, when I changed courses I was thrown back into the deep end and forced to start the friendship thing all over again. Luckily, I met these lovely ladies on my first day as a single honours student and I'm very lucky that they've stayed with me throughout.

Due to other events, I fell out with my college girl gang (which, now I look back, was a complete blessing) and I lost a lot of the drama friends who had listened to me cry countless times over that stupid lecturer. It's okay to be losing friends at university and again, I wish I would have realised this sooner. Every time you lose friends, you gain friends. Everyone is in the same boat and most people are very friendly.

I'd recommend joining facebook groups for your course and for your student halls. I found all of my flatmates on these groups and it means that you'll see some familiar faces on your first day, making things that little bit less daunting.

Second Year

The second year was my least favourite year. I can't tell you how many times I considered packing the whole thing in and dropping out. I was downed with a huge bout of anxiety which, in turn, meant that my social life went downhill. I realise this anxiety had something to do with my terrible start at university and looking back, I wish I could tell my lecturer just how much his comments both hurt me and changed me.

A creative writing course is very different because unlike most degrees, we don't sit exams. It's understandable because how can you sit an exam on writing? It's something that needs to be worked on over a long period of time (or in my case a few weeks!). The workload was so much more than I ever expected and because of my anxiety, most of my assignments were completed and submitted an hour before deadline. If I can give you any advice, please don't do this. It's a miracle I completed it.

In terms of living arrangements, I moved back home with my parents. As much as I loved living in my little flat, we had a lot of problems with student housing so I made the decision to make the move back home. I'll be honest, I loved it. I only live half an hour away from the city and as I was only in uni two days a week, it made more sense to commute.

I also got a job working in my local market as a Saturday girl on a hair and beauty stall. It was the perfect job to balance with my studies. I'm still working for them two years later and loving my job more than ever.

As I previously said, my social life went downhill. I felt like I didn't fit in and didn't belong anywhere. I was trying and struggling to get back to my old self. I'll admit, it took me longer than I thought. It was also the year that I fell out with my best friend of fifteen years. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. However, I realise that outgrowing friendships is part of growing up and is in no way a bad thing, as long as you are happy.

Looking back, I was in Disneyland Paris more than I was in lectures but I don't know how I would've got through the second year without it. It was escapism and introduced me to a gorgeous group of friends who I hold so close to my heart. I'm very thankful.

In a nutshell, it's a year that I do like to block out of my head because it's a year that I don't like to remember. However, I'm glad I made it through. I could have dropped out but I didn't and that is one of the things I am most proud of.

Third Year

The final year.

My favourite year.

The third year saw the biggest change for me, not only in my personality but in my happiness. I can say that my third year is the happiest I have ever been at university and although it's been stressful, I'm sad that it's coming to an end.

Socially, it's the best it has ever been. The group of friends I had on my course expanded and we have grown so close in this past seven months. It was the university friendship I always wanted and it's sad that it's happened in our final year. I lived at home again, my job was going well (working three days a week) and I had a great group of friends at home. It was brilliant.

The workload increased again and although everything was submitted on time, I struggle to think about how I would have completed the year without my circle of friends constantly picking me up when I felt like I wasn't good enough. We're a group of personal cheerleaders.

My confidence was at an all-time high, in both myself and my writing. My anxiety was reduced and it makes me wonder if I would have had more self-belief if I didn't have such an awful start at university. I need to learn to stop dwelling on that but his comments have been tattooed on my brain. It's sad to say, but I'll never forget it.

The whole last half of the year (January to April) was a whirlwind. As we don't sit exams or write dissertations, my creative energy was focused on a forty page script, a short story, a full writing project, a report and two essays. I stayed up until 5am, had two hours of sleep, went to work and spent every waking moment in the library. At one point, I felt guilty for sleeping because I knew there was work that needed to be done. I drained myself out and by the end of it, I was exhausted.

But, I did it.

I went to collect my results last week and I'm delighted to say that all of my hard work has paid off. I was graded with a high 2.1 in all of my assignments (0.4% from a first) which is pretty damn good if you ask me.

 If you follow me on Instagram you'll know that I've just had my graduation ball which was a beautiful night full of love, laughter and gin. We've also got the launch night of In The Red coming up, which I just so happen to be getting published in (a massive achievement for me).

It's incredibly exciting and I'm very thankful for all the opportunities I've had.

And just like that, three years at Liverpool John Moores are over. 

I'm hugely grateful to have had the opportunity to go to university because although it hasn't been my favourite period of my life, it's taught me a lot about myself and my values. Liverpool is a gorgeous city and I couldn't have picked a better place to study; it's inspiring and vibrant and the people are so welcoming. I'm very proud to call it my home. 

Looking back, I don't think my course was the right choice but I don't know what else I would have done. I needed to do something creative as an English degree wouldn't have been beneficial. I needed to be busy and doing things. I needed to create something. 

It just goes to show how vital those first few weeks of university are. If you're not happy with something, don't hesitate to change it. I nearly left it too late and I wish I would have spoken up sooner. I spent so many weeks facing abuse when a simple email solved everything. Well, not everything but you know what I mean. 

University will not be what you think it's going to be. Ignore the movies and the books because it's all lies. Guaranteed, you're going to have a good time, an interesting time BUT only if University is for you and you want to spend three years of your life studying and working hard (because it's the hardest you'll ever work in your life). Remember, you don't have to be doing what everyone else is doing. If you have the slightest doubt about going to uni, then wait a few years. It's not going anywhere. 

My final year was the toughest but by far my favourite. I've made friends I'll keep for the rest of my life and I'm thankful to them for simply being them. They've kept me sane throughout and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself - from looking over work to giving me hugs when I had various breakdowns in the library, I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to spend three years with. 

My tutors are some of the most inspirational people I have ever met and to have the pleasure of working with them has been brilliant. I would never have got through this degree without their continued support, coffee breaks and Horatio's spontaneous trip to Manchester Airport (yep, that's right, I had a lecture on a train headed for Manchester Airport). 

Overall, the experience has made me stronger and taught me a lot about myself. In some ways, I'm glad the whole drama thing happened because I learned that I don't have to take abuse from someone. I have a voice and I can use it, being myself is the best person I can be and there are always going to be people who will tell me that I'm not good enough - it's my choice to believe them. 

I can write, I am a writer and I'm incredibly excited to see what the future holds. 

'I never aimed for correctness, I just wrote fiction.' 

Lots of Love,

Meg

xxx

Guess Who's Back!?

{Photo by Emma}

Well, hello again.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Three whole months to be exact. Three months without anything to tell you, yet so much has happened. I’d like to sit here and pretend that I have something really exciting to update you on, but I don’t.

The truth is, I decided to take a little break from blogging to focus on my degree. I know you’re probably fed up of me talking about university, but it’s been a huge part of my life for the past three years. And on Monday, I finished for good.

It’s been the most stressful three months of my life, what with trying to meet deadlines and balancing a 9 to 5 job. Towards the end, I found myself relying on coffee and energy drinks to stop me from going insane (even though I’m pretty sure that happened anyway). I said goodbye to my social life and my Disney holidays and switched to spending every waking moment in the library.  I even had to turn down various blogging events which is something that was so hard for me to do. It's three months that I’ll never get back, but they were vital and I’m hoping that all the hard work and sleepless nights have paid off.

Leaving University has left me feeling both proud and upset. I knew I was never going to be ready to leave, sure I wanted the deadlines and the stress to be over, but I didn’t want to leave the student life. I didn’t want to leave the friends who have been like my family. Everyone’s going on to do different things with different people and it’s hard to let go. It feels like it’s over before it’s begun. But, we’ve got graduation to be looking forward to. It’s crazy to think that I could have been graduating with a drama degree. 

So, what else has been happening?

Well, aside from finishing my degree – which I’m pretty happy with, by the way – I’ve been working, going to the theatre and planning lots of lovely blog posts. I’ve been to see The Rat Pack and Wicked, both of which were outstanding, and it was lovely to be in different surroundings and spend time with my loved ones. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll also have noticed that I've been getting into the rugby recently, particularly rugby league. Now, don't get me wrong, I was the least sporty person in school but Dad dragged me along to a Saints and Wigan match, and I've never looked back. It's been so nice to do something with my Dad, just me and him. If Saints get to the final this year, you can guarantee we'll be there! 

Last week, Mum and I took a trip to Leeds to visit the Emmerdale Studio Experience (expect a blog post coming soon) and I’ve had two pieces of writing published in the last month. So, you could say that things are starting to look up – at least that’s what I’m hopeful for.

Am I back blogging?

Yes. And it feels so good.

When I submitted my final assignment on Monday, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I wasn’t tied down to anyone. I was free to write whatever I wanted to without someone scrutinising every word. But I got myself stuck in a rut. Writing has become a chore for me. It’s not enjoyable anymore and I need to get myself out of that mindset.

This week, I’ve been catching up with some of my favourite bloggers and reminding myself why I started to blog in the first place. From now on, this little space on the internet will be the only source of writing I do. It’s where my heart is and it’s where my heart has always been. I hope now that my degree is over, I can finally get back to loving what I do.

I’ve got an exciting couple of months planned, what with a graduation ball, my 21^st birthday and my graduation itself. I can’t wait to document my journey and bring you along with me for the ride.

Here’s to the future!

Lots of Love,

Meg

Xxx