University: A Reflection

This month marked the end of an era. 

For those of you who don't know, I've just completed a three-year degree studying creative writing at Liverpool John Moores University. I know it's cliché but I can't believe how fast it's gone, the past three years have absolutely flown by. On the whole, the university bubble has been a crazy little thing. I've experienced a lot and changed a lot. I've grown up. 

With all of this in mind, I thought it would be nice to summarise my university experience in a blog post. It's not only for me to reflect but also for you to maybe learn something about university life.  I know I would have loved to read something like this when I was about to embark on this incredible journey. 

First Year 

The first year of university is commonly referred to as an 'adjustment period' because 'the first year doesn't count'. That's not a lie, it doesn't count for anything. It's the year that students tend to go out every night, spend all their money and socialise as much as they can (it's the only year they'll be able to do such things without feeling guilty). 

I moved into student halls and lived in a flat with three other girls. The flat itself was lovely, we were on the seventh floor, overlooking the docks, and we always had a perfect view of the sunset. However, I didn't fit in and we didn't create a huge group like I'd expected. I thought I'd create a strong bond with my flatmates and that we'd still be friends in 10 years time. Sadly this didn't happen, I had one close flatmate and that was it. I'm not a naturally shy person and I love meeting new people so I was surprised that I didn't click with anyone. The hardest part was seeing my friends from home make such tight-knit friendship groups with their flatmates. I felt jealous, let down and left out. I couldn't understand why I wasn't having the same experience. 

In terms of studying, I struggled. I hated it. 

I felt like I was expected to know a lot more than I'd been taught and I realise that no amount of a-level revision will prepare you for university. After having four months away from anything academic, it was all about getting back into studying again. And believe me, it's harder than it seems.

Originally, I started out studying drama and creative writing as a combined degree. I was this confident young girl, adamant that I wanted to be a drama teacher. However, this didn't go to plan. Studying drama was the worst decision I ever made and looking back, I wonder if I would have had a different experience at another university. I wish I could turn back time. 

Your first day at university is like your first day at school. You want to make friends, you want to impress and you want everyone to like you. It's nerve-wracking and I went through all the same feelings. But I had an added pressure. A demon of a drama lecturer. 

He was disgusting. That's the only word I can use to describe him. He made me feel worthless. He made everyone laugh at me countless times, and all at my expense. He made frequent comments about my weight and appearance (something I've struggled with from a young age). I was always told that I wasn't good enough. I remember him calling me gormless and doing an impression of me to everyone. They all laughed. 

I'd leave his sessions every week in tears. He'd always ask me  'why the f*** are you on this course?' and I never knew what to say. One day, I'd had enough. I turned around and said, 'I don't know' and I never went back. I was very lucky that this happened before the deadline to switch courses. I sent a few emails, changed a few documents and just like that, I became a single honours creative writing student.

The hardest thing to realise at university is that you're not at school anymore. Gone are the days of calling your teacher 'Miss' or 'Sir', a university is a place for everyone. You'll be in lectures with people twice your age and you all have the right to be treated like adults. I noticed that this lecturer treated the older students with respect, yet I got nothing. You're not a child anymore and you deserve to be treated like the young adult that you are. I wish I would have realised this sooner.

In terms of friendships, it was a strange year. I was trying to find out where I belonged, who I belonged with and just where I slotted into the university puzzle. Freshers was cool but there wasn't a social side to it and some of the societies I joined were simply boring.

I made a few friends on the drama side and mainly stuck with the combined honours clique. However, when I changed courses I was thrown back into the deep end and forced to start the friendship thing all over again. Luckily, I met these lovely ladies on my first day as a single honours student and I'm very lucky that they've stayed with me throughout.

Due to other events, I fell out with my college girl gang (which, now I look back, was a complete blessing) and I lost a lot of the drama friends who had listened to me cry countless times over that stupid lecturer. It's okay to be losing friends at university and again, I wish I would have realised this sooner. Every time you lose friends, you gain friends. Everyone is in the same boat and most people are very friendly.

I'd recommend joining facebook groups for your course and for your student halls. I found all of my flatmates on these groups and it means that you'll see some familiar faces on your first day, making things that little bit less daunting.

Second Year

The second year was my least favourite year. I can't tell you how many times I considered packing the whole thing in and dropping out. I was downed with a huge bout of anxiety which, in turn, meant that my social life went downhill. I realise this anxiety had something to do with my terrible start at university and looking back, I wish I could tell my lecturer just how much his comments both hurt me and changed me.

A creative writing course is very different because unlike most degrees, we don't sit exams. It's understandable because how can you sit an exam on writing? It's something that needs to be worked on over a long period of time (or in my case a few weeks!). The workload was so much more than I ever expected and because of my anxiety, most of my assignments were completed and submitted an hour before deadline. If I can give you any advice, please don't do this. It's a miracle I completed it.

In terms of living arrangements, I moved back home with my parents. As much as I loved living in my little flat, we had a lot of problems with student housing so I made the decision to make the move back home. I'll be honest, I loved it. I only live half an hour away from the city and as I was only in uni two days a week, it made more sense to commute.

I also got a job working in my local market as a Saturday girl on a hair and beauty stall. It was the perfect job to balance with my studies. I'm still working for them two years later and loving my job more than ever.

As I previously said, my social life went downhill. I felt like I didn't fit in and didn't belong anywhere. I was trying and struggling to get back to my old self. I'll admit, it took me longer than I thought. It was also the year that I fell out with my best friend of fifteen years. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. However, I realise that outgrowing friendships is part of growing up and is in no way a bad thing, as long as you are happy.

Looking back, I was in Disneyland Paris more than I was in lectures but I don't know how I would've got through the second year without it. It was escapism and introduced me to a gorgeous group of friends who I hold so close to my heart. I'm very thankful.

In a nutshell, it's a year that I do like to block out of my head because it's a year that I don't like to remember. However, I'm glad I made it through. I could have dropped out but I didn't and that is one of the things I am most proud of.

Third Year

The final year.

My favourite year.

The third year saw the biggest change for me, not only in my personality but in my happiness. I can say that my third year is the happiest I have ever been at university and although it's been stressful, I'm sad that it's coming to an end.

Socially, it's the best it has ever been. The group of friends I had on my course expanded and we have grown so close in this past seven months. It was the university friendship I always wanted and it's sad that it's happened in our final year. I lived at home again, my job was going well (working three days a week) and I had a great group of friends at home. It was brilliant.

The workload increased again and although everything was submitted on time, I struggle to think about how I would have completed the year without my circle of friends constantly picking me up when I felt like I wasn't good enough. We're a group of personal cheerleaders.

My confidence was at an all-time high, in both myself and my writing. My anxiety was reduced and it makes me wonder if I would have had more self-belief if I didn't have such an awful start at university. I need to learn to stop dwelling on that but his comments have been tattooed on my brain. It's sad to say, but I'll never forget it.

The whole last half of the year (January to April) was a whirlwind. As we don't sit exams or write dissertations, my creative energy was focused on a forty page script, a short story, a full writing project, a report and two essays. I stayed up until 5am, had two hours of sleep, went to work and spent every waking moment in the library. At one point, I felt guilty for sleeping because I knew there was work that needed to be done. I drained myself out and by the end of it, I was exhausted.

But, I did it.

I went to collect my results last week and I'm delighted to say that all of my hard work has paid off. I was graded with a high 2.1 in all of my assignments (0.4% from a first) which is pretty damn good if you ask me.

 If you follow me on Instagram you'll know that I've just had my graduation ball which was a beautiful night full of love, laughter and gin. We've also got the launch night of In The Red coming up, which I just so happen to be getting published in (a massive achievement for me).

It's incredibly exciting and I'm very thankful for all the opportunities I've had.

And just like that, three years at Liverpool John Moores are over. 

I'm hugely grateful to have had the opportunity to go to university because although it hasn't been my favourite period of my life, it's taught me a lot about myself and my values. Liverpool is a gorgeous city and I couldn't have picked a better place to study; it's inspiring and vibrant and the people are so welcoming. I'm very proud to call it my home. 

Looking back, I don't think my course was the right choice but I don't know what else I would have done. I needed to do something creative as an English degree wouldn't have been beneficial. I needed to be busy and doing things. I needed to create something. 

It just goes to show how vital those first few weeks of university are. If you're not happy with something, don't hesitate to change it. I nearly left it too late and I wish I would have spoken up sooner. I spent so many weeks facing abuse when a simple email solved everything. Well, not everything but you know what I mean. 

University will not be what you think it's going to be. Ignore the movies and the books because it's all lies. Guaranteed, you're going to have a good time, an interesting time BUT only if University is for you and you want to spend three years of your life studying and working hard (because it's the hardest you'll ever work in your life). Remember, you don't have to be doing what everyone else is doing. If you have the slightest doubt about going to uni, then wait a few years. It's not going anywhere. 

My final year was the toughest but by far my favourite. I've made friends I'll keep for the rest of my life and I'm thankful to them for simply being them. They've kept me sane throughout and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself - from looking over work to giving me hugs when I had various breakdowns in the library, I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to spend three years with. 

My tutors are some of the most inspirational people I have ever met and to have the pleasure of working with them has been brilliant. I would never have got through this degree without their continued support, coffee breaks and Horatio's spontaneous trip to Manchester Airport (yep, that's right, I had a lecture on a train headed for Manchester Airport). 

Overall, the experience has made me stronger and taught me a lot about myself. In some ways, I'm glad the whole drama thing happened because I learned that I don't have to take abuse from someone. I have a voice and I can use it, being myself is the best person I can be and there are always going to be people who will tell me that I'm not good enough - it's my choice to believe them. 

I can write, I am a writer and I'm incredibly excited to see what the future holds. 

'I never aimed for correctness, I just wrote fiction.' 

Lots of Love,

Meg

xxx

Guess Who's Back!?

{Photo by Emma}

Well, hello again.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Three whole months to be exact. Three months without anything to tell you, yet so much has happened. I’d like to sit here and pretend that I have something really exciting to update you on, but I don’t.

The truth is, I decided to take a little break from blogging to focus on my degree. I know you’re probably fed up of me talking about university, but it’s been a huge part of my life for the past three years. And on Monday, I finished for good.

It’s been the most stressful three months of my life, what with trying to meet deadlines and balancing a 9 to 5 job. Towards the end, I found myself relying on coffee and energy drinks to stop me from going insane (even though I’m pretty sure that happened anyway). I said goodbye to my social life and my Disney holidays and switched to spending every waking moment in the library.  I even had to turn down various blogging events which is something that was so hard for me to do. It's three months that I’ll never get back, but they were vital and I’m hoping that all the hard work and sleepless nights have paid off.

Leaving University has left me feeling both proud and upset. I knew I was never going to be ready to leave, sure I wanted the deadlines and the stress to be over, but I didn’t want to leave the student life. I didn’t want to leave the friends who have been like my family. Everyone’s going on to do different things with different people and it’s hard to let go. It feels like it’s over before it’s begun. But, we’ve got graduation to be looking forward to. It’s crazy to think that I could have been graduating with a drama degree. 

So, what else has been happening?

Well, aside from finishing my degree – which I’m pretty happy with, by the way – I’ve been working, going to the theatre and planning lots of lovely blog posts. I’ve been to see The Rat Pack and Wicked, both of which were outstanding, and it was lovely to be in different surroundings and spend time with my loved ones. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll also have noticed that I've been getting into the rugby recently, particularly rugby league. Now, don't get me wrong, I was the least sporty person in school but Dad dragged me along to a Saints and Wigan match, and I've never looked back. It's been so nice to do something with my Dad, just me and him. If Saints get to the final this year, you can guarantee we'll be there! 

Last week, Mum and I took a trip to Leeds to visit the Emmerdale Studio Experience (expect a blog post coming soon) and I’ve had two pieces of writing published in the last month. So, you could say that things are starting to look up – at least that’s what I’m hopeful for.

Am I back blogging?

Yes. And it feels so good.

When I submitted my final assignment on Monday, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I wasn’t tied down to anyone. I was free to write whatever I wanted to without someone scrutinising every word. But I got myself stuck in a rut. Writing has become a chore for me. It’s not enjoyable anymore and I need to get myself out of that mindset.

This week, I’ve been catching up with some of my favourite bloggers and reminding myself why I started to blog in the first place. From now on, this little space on the internet will be the only source of writing I do. It’s where my heart is and it’s where my heart has always been. I hope now that my degree is over, I can finally get back to loving what I do.

I’ve got an exciting couple of months planned, what with a graduation ball, my 21^st birthday and my graduation itself. I can’t wait to document my journey and bring you along with me for the ride.

Here’s to the future!

Lots of Love,

Meg

Xxx

Is University worth it?

If you're currently in your final year of sixth form then the words 'UCAS' and 'Personal Statement' will cause you to let out a long sigh and prepare yourself for another long lecture about how University is the thing you should be doing. Well, I promise you're not going to get that from me. It's very clear what tonight's blog post is going to be about, but I'm not going to sugar coat it; I'm going to give you my complete honest opinion. 

We have it drummed into us that University is the answer to all our problems; it's what we need to do in order to be successful in life, but is that really all true? I think not. That's very controversial I know but it all depends on the career you would like to go into. If you would like to go into a medical profession, law or teaching then a degree is a necessity for you to be able to get a job in that field. However studying something such as writing, architecture or English doesn't really need a degree; I don't need a degree to prove I can write. I'm literally sat here writing this with no degree and I'm doing fine. 

In my opinion, and I need to make that very clear because I'm speaking solely from my experience and the course that I am on, I think that University is a complete waste of time. If the career you want to go into doesn't need a degree then I would say to go and try and get a job rather than waste three years of your life, and hell of a lot of money, on the shambles that is Unversity. I'm speaking now from a writing point of view but I'm currently paying £9000 to be in Uni for six hours a week and here's the best part; I finish the whole thing in March. If you want to do the maths, then that means that each month I'm at University it costs me £2000. I could think of better things to spend that money on. Not all courses have you in for such a limited amount of time, a lot of my friends get 20 hours of tuition time a week and surely that means they're getting more for their money. I'd really like to know where this £9000 goes because I really don't see any improvements. In my eyes, we pay £9000 for lecturers to forget to show up, computers that always break and a snazzy library card with our photo on it.

Despite my rant about tuition fees, Uni is not the most dreadful experience in the world. It's taught me a lot of social skills and allowed me to meet so many different people. It's also taught me a lot about myself in terms of how I think other people should treat me and my own personal values. Although I can't say that I have loved every second of my time at University, I definitely think it's an eye opening experience. Your location and course are so important; I would recommend to choose a course that you're passionate about but that does come with its risks as you may end up hating something you used to love. I've definitely made this mistake with my course. Choose something that you're interested in but don't choose your hobby; you don't want to associate something that relaxes you with anxiety and stress. 

In a nutshell, I personally don't think University is worth the debt or the stress. I'm too far gone into the University bubble to quit now, and I may do a post on this next year and have completely changed my mind, but for now I really regret my decision. I think colleges should be forced to give you other options aside from University such as apprenticeships and travelling. At the end of the day, all your degree is is a piece of paper with your name on it, it really doesn't mean anything. If your dream career needs you to have a degree then go to University and live your dream, but if it doesn't or if you don't know what you want to do then I would leave it for a few years. University is always going to be there, there's no age limit! 

What are your opinions on University?

Lots of Love,
Meg

xox

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A Weekend at Gregynog Hall

Hello Everyone!

Last weekend, I spent my time in one of the most inspiring places I have ever visited. Gregynog Hall is an old building in the middle of Wales where people go to walk around the forests and take in the picturesque surroundings. It's also possible to stay at Gregynog, like we did, which I would highly recommend because it's such a fun thing to experience. Each year, the creative writing staff at University take all of the first year students to Gregynog on a 'Writers Retreat'. 

As soon as I was told about this trip, I was very excited and knew that I would be in attendance straight away. Although when they were saying that we would be really inspired by our surroundings, I didn't really understand where they were coming from. It was just an old hall, how was I going to get any inspiration from that? Well how wrong could I be?

From the moment we arrived, it immediately felt like autumn. I know that's a very weird thing to write, but it was the first time I actually felt like we were in the month of October. The leaves were falling off the trees, slowly drifting to the ground; it felt like we were part of a film. We were taken straight into the dining room and fed, which was one of my favourite things about the trip, aside to the writing, because there was always food around and the food was amazing. After living on the student diet of pasta, you really do begin to appreciate good food. Then, we were set off on our first writing task which allowed us to go and explore the grounds.

The first thing we did was run straight into the forest to go and explore. The leaves continued to fall from the trees and we saw some squirrels scurrying across the floor. It was the most calming place. It's been a stressful few weeks, settling into Uni and everything, but being there just seemed to put everything into perspective and it was lovely. Whilst wandering through the forest, and finding a headless Barbie stuck in a tree, we found some lovely little teepees made from wood. We don't know who made them, but it was so magical, and it provided me with a lot of inspiration for a story. We then sat in some trees and wrote for a little while, and then decided to build our own teepee to go with the others. Just a reminder for other people that we were once there, if we ever do become famous writers. We then headed back to the hall for afternoon tea and to get ready for our evening meal.

The first night at Gregynog was one of the funniest. I would say that my friends and I had a little bit too much to drink, and we were extremely happy for the majority of the night. However, one of the loveliest things was sitting outside on the grass and watching the stars. At Gregynog, there's not a lot of pollution so the sky is very clear on a night, if it's not cloudy, and we were very lucky enough to be able to see the twinkling stars beaming down on us. There's something about stars that just really fascinates me, when you think about it, we were all stars at one point. It was such a beautiful sight to see, I really think people take things like that for granted, I'm one of those people, but we should really start to appreciate the beautiful things that surround us.

On the second day, we were set two more writing tasks and decided to delve deeper into the forest to explore some more. In the morning, Molly, Catherine and I decided to follow a lovely woodland path to a bridge. Beside the bridge was a gate filled with beautiful red flowers. It reminded me a little bit of the secret garden, so we walked through the gate to find something that inspired me to write one of the short stories in my writing journal. As we walked through the gate, we were led back into the gardens of the hall and I found the loveliest little stone bench. On the top of the bench was a little robin, and as we got closer we noticed some mushrooms growing from the bench surrounded by little berries. It reminded me of fairies dancing around a campfire and fluttering around the enchanted forest. We then decided to walk a little bit further where I found the most fascinating tree ever. We worked out that it was over three hundred years old and when you looked up at it, the sun was just shining through the leaves and they turned into the most beautiful shade of green.

For our second task, instead of going outside, we decided to head back to the building to explore that a little more. Whilst walking around the various corridors, we came across the most beautiful room in the whole building. It was an old library with hundreds of books lining the shelves, old desks for writing on, and ladders which you could climb up to get the books on the higher shelves. I felt like Belle in Beauty & the Beast, it was the most beautiful room. When we'd completed our task, we decided to go on another little walk around the grounds. The weather was very cold so we were all wrapped up in our boots, scarfs and warm coats. On the walk, we made friends with the loveliest little horse in a field. We decided to call him 'Danger' and he took a like to Molly which was very cute.

Our final night in Gregynog was formal night. We all got dressed up and went for our evening meal, which was delicious, and then headed into the music room for the open mic night. If you don't know what one of these is, it's basically a night where students are allowed to get up in-front of everyone and read out their work. The drunker people became, the more fun the open might night became. IT was so lovely to hear what pieces of art people had created and how differently people viewed things around the hall.

I had the most wonderful time exploring Gregynog Hall. I produced some really good pieces of writing and I can't wait to return there next year hopefully!

Here are some photos I took over the weekend! :)

Lots of Love
Meg
xox

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University Life

Hello Everyone!

I'm sorry I haven't posted a lot this week, I hope you haven't missed me too much...only kidding! I do have a very valid reason though; as I write this blog post for you now, I am sat in a completely different environment, with a different desk and different people around me. Instead of being cuddled up with my little dog like normal, I'm with three girls who I have never met before in my life. As I look out of the window, I can see the sun beginning to set, the sky has turned a pastel pink with little hints of yellow beaming through. I'm not complaining, it's a beautiful thing to look at. In the distance, I can see the hustle and bustle of the City, I just can't help but wonder what everyone is doing. I didn't realise this place had so many buildings. Have you guessed where I am yet?

Today, as I write this blog post, I am sat in my new University flat. I've finally left home, and truthfully, I don't really know how I feel about it. The process of moving my things from home wasn't as stressful as I first thought it would be, we moved things down little by little and now my room is all cosy with little reminders I've brought with me from my bedroom. I'll do a little room tour on here in the coming weeks so that you can see how cute it looks. I love my new room, I've got the most gorgeous view of the city and every morning I get to watch the sun rise over Liverpool. Sometimes, I think if I couldn't see the Radio City Tower, that I could be anywhere in the world. It truly is the most beautiful city.

The hardest part for me, was when my parents left. As I head the door to my room shut, and then the door to the flat, I was overcome with loneliness. I was officially on my own, I had no one to depend on, and no one to speak too. In my normal way of coping with things like this, I locked myself away in my room for half an hour and cried for a while. I feel like every student goes through this at some point. All I wanted to do when they left was run down the stairs, hug them and tell them that they could stay. Either that or I would have been in the car with them and back on my way home to see my little dog.

The weekend was really fun. After getting over the fact that my parents had left me and that I was on my own, I really got to know my flat mates, and as the days have gone on, we've become really close with one another which is lovely. Freshers has been quite boring here in Liverpool, there hasn't really been much to do. Well, okay that's a little bit of a lie, there has been things to do, but the majority of them have either been very empty, very boring or very expensive. My student loan has been paid in which means my student diet and my student life starts now.  There is no more of this expensive, luxury stuff, from this moment forward, I am living in Aldi and Primark (not literally but you know what I mean).

This week has been really fun. On Monday, I enrolled at University which means that I am now officially a student. I've got a really cool student card with a little badge, I probably look like a complete idiot walking around with it on my neck, but I feel like it makes me look older, and I feel really professional. I'm hoping this phase goes away soon, I feel like it's something I'm going to look back on and be like "Oh for goodness sake Megan, why did you ever do that?". This week, I've also been to the little Freshers event hosted by my university. It was only very small, but I got fed grapes and came out with two bags full of free things which I'd picked up along the way. This included a stress ball, some tictacs, a pot noodle and 6 pens (you can never have too many pens).

Then induction week started. It's been really fun and beneficial to meet new people on my course, especially because I know that we all share the same interests. However, part of me is thinking right now that I haven't chosen the right course for me. I know I want to continue to write, but I'm not too sure that I want to continue to act. I don't think people realise how much it upsets me to hear myself say that, but at this moment in time, I really don't feel like I belong. Have you ever had that feeling when you're in a room and you know that you just don't fit in, and you feel like everyone is so much better than you? Well, that's me.

I don't really know why I feel like this. I think it's because I've been out of education for four months, and I've just been thrown back in in the deep end. But I also think it's because I had the same drama teacher, and the same people in my class for around five years. I'd become so comfortable with them and now that this bond has been broken, I'm not too sure that I can cope with it. Being a very shy person doesn't really help matters.

Another thing that's hard for me is that homesickness is hitting me. I really miss my local pub, I miss taking my dog for a walk around the park, but most of all, I miss my family. I'm only half an hour away from them, but not being able to see them, especially on days when you're feeling down, is one of the hardest things possible. I can't describe pain like wanting a cuddle from your mum and knowing that she's not there to hug you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. Of course there's the phone but it's not really the same is it?

Overall though, I'm really loving Uni up to now. It's such a new but exciting experience. Of course it has it's challenges, and that is never going to change, but I can't wait for the new things ahead.

Lots of Love

Meg

xox

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