Post Graduate Life: A Year On

Well there I am; a proud little Graduate from the Class of 2018 ready to embark on her future as a writer and discover just where she fits into the confusing puzzle that is life. 

It's almost been two years since I graduated from Liverpool John Moores University with a BA (Hons) degree in Creative Writing and if I'm honest, I still don't have a clue what I'm doing with my life. In fact, I don't think anybody does and that's okay. 

In one of our final lectures, a guest speaker stood in a room full of hopeful, talented, soon-to-be graduates and told us that getting a job as a writer would be 'near enough impossible'. It's safe to say my lecturers were horrified but as students we just looked at each other and laughed. We were getting degrees, how hard could it be? 

But they were right, it's really damn hard. 

Once you have your degree, people will presume that getting a job is easy but that's not always the case. Employers want experience which as a graduate you probably do have, its just not in a professional environment. This is why finding employment is so difficult, especially in the arts. 

I thought that getting a job as a writer would be easier, or that I'd at least be taken seriously because I'd got such a high qualification. I thought I'd be inundated with internships and apprenticeships where I could work with writers and further my skills. I thought we'd have continued support from the University, have guidance on how to write a successful job application and where to look for opportunities. 

What actually happened is a completely different story. 

It basically felt like we'd been thrown in at the deep end and we couldn't swim. 

After receiving what felt like a thousand rejection emails, commenting on my lack of 'experience', I decided to take a year out. I was lucky enough to have a small part time job throughout my studies so I took on more hours at work and tried to enjoy life; go out with my friends, travel to new places and experience the things I never had the time (or money) to do when I was a student. 

I know some of you probably think that's a waste but after putting blood, sweat and tears into getting my degree, it felt like I needed some time out. Education is all I've ever known since the age of five, it was one thing after another and I never took a break. I felt so uninspired and I realised that I needed to experience life to have things to write about. 

In summary, Post-Grad life sounds a little bit like this: 

'What are you going to do now?' 

'What job have you got lined up?'

'Oh, well what will you do with that degree?'

'Are you going to teach?'

'You're working where? That's nothing to do with your degree is it?'

'Are you not going doing a Masters?' 

It literally makes me want to SCREAM. 

Getting a degree quickly goes from being a celebrated and recognised achievement to a constant pressure to actually use your new qualification. But what if your degree actually puts you off your once 'dream' career? It sure did with me. No one ever talks about that and it's important to remind yourself that it's totally okay. 

According to research, the average millennial will have at least ten jobs before the age of forty. It's natural that we're going to get bored and want a change in career so what does it matter if you're not using your degree? You still worked hard for it, it's your name on that piece of paper and nobody can take that away from you. 

The truth is, nothing can prepare you for Post-Graduate Life.

The structured routine you're used to goes out the window and life literally flips upside down. The majority of your friends move away, each of them with different opportunities lined up - some will go on to do a Masters, others will go travelling, others will walk straight into work, others will even start families, whilst some just don't have a clue. It's a web of comparisons and expectations and it's lonely and self-deprecating. 

It's normal to sit and think wtf am I actually doing with my life because the truth is, none of us actually know. We're all just winging it until the right opportunity comes along. We all progress at our own rates and although it's hard not to compare yourself, it's important to remember that we all have our own shit going on. 

For a while, I felt a certain pressure to make my family and friends as proud as they were at graduation. I felt like I wasn't doing anything productive and needed to better myself. This lead to even more self-doubt and just generally feeling like I wasn't good enough. Then I realised that actually, they're proud of me no matter what and they just want me to be happy. 

And I am happy.

True, I might not have a job in my degree field or be signed up to a writing agency and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm still working in the job I had when I was a student but y'know what? I love it. I'm applying for jobs and  I know the right one will come along eventually but until then, my happiness is the most important thing. 

I know for those of you who are graduating this year it's going to be a seriously weird time but I just wanted to write this to remind you that it's okay if you don't have a plan. I suppose that's the beauty of it, it unfolds right in front of your eyes and you end up in places and with opportunities you could only ever dream about. 

My advice? Try not to stress about it, don't compare yourself to others and say yes to every opportunity that presents itself. As long as you work hard, be kind and put your mind to it, you can achieve anything. Also, put your own happiness first and f*** what anyone else thinks!

Lots of Love,

Meg x

The Proudest Day of My Life

On Friday 13th July, I graduated. 

Three years of hard work, stress and tears all lead up to one special moment and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. If you read my University Reflection post you'll know that I didn't have the best start at university. I didn't think I'd ever see graduation day but guess who did it?! I'm officially a Bachelor of Arts and I couldn't be happier. 

My graduation ceremony took place in the morning which meant that I was up at 5am trying to make myself look presentable. I can't begin to tell you how much I stressed about what I was going to wear and how I was going to do my hair and makeup. Either you suit academic dress or you don't and I was determined that I wasn't going to look like a fool (even though I probably did).

The preparations started at half past seven when I went to collect my official certificate and my academic dress. When my parents left me I was a bundle of nerves but the minute I met up with Tori and Caroline the butterflies in my stomach were soon replaced with excitement. We'd spoken about graduation day since we became friends in our first year and let me tell you, the past three years have absolutely flown by. It still doesn't feel like I've graduated. 

We signed in, collected our tickets and our official certificate, then walked down some stairs to collect our cap and gown. Then, we had to get dressed and oh my goodness, those gowns are so much heavier than they look. My cap and gown isn't the comfiest thing I've ever worn but I felt so proud to be walking around the city in it. I was graduating. I'd worked so hard for this. 

I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

The gardens outside the University were full of soon-to-be graduates and their families taking photos, laughing and sharing such a wonderful achievement. I knew that the day was going to be emotional but nothing could have prepared me for how many times my mum cried. I spotted her stood with my dad so I walked over and shouted, 'Hi Mum.' Well, she burst into tears which in turn made me cry, I've never seen so much pride in my parent's eyes before. 

I'll be honest, I could've cried when I saw the girls in their caps and gowns. We've been together for three whole years. It doesn't seem like a long time but you'd be surprised at the bond you make. We've watched each other grow not only as writers but as human beings and I couldn't have wished to spend my time at university with better, more talented people. I can't thank them enough for everything they've done; taking me under their wing on my first day on the course, accepting my weirdness and always making sure I got back to the train station when I'd had a few too many in the Pilgrim. I wish them all the luck in the future because I know they're going to do AMAZING things. 

We joined in with everyone else and had our photos taken. I feel so proud when I look at them. We posed and laughed, all whilst I tried to clip Caroline's cap to her head so that it wouldn't fly off. I'm so thankful that it wasn't as hot as it had been earlier in the week - I'd only been in my cap and gown for ten minutes and I was already sweating. 

Then my Mum and Dad pulled me away for a moment and told me that there was someone they'd like me to meet. 

This is Bethan. 

We'd never met before, well not properly. 

We were born on the same day, in the same year and in the same hospital. Our mums were in beds next to each other and they put mine and Bethan's cots next to one another too. When my Mum would go for a shower, Bethan's mum would look after us both and vice versa. In the first few years, our mum's kept in touch and sometimes I'd hear her say that she'd bumped into Barbara and Bethan in ASDA. I heard these names all the time but I never knew who they were. 

Fast forward 21 years and Bethan and I attended the same university, graduated on the same day and at the same ceremony. Bethan in Fashion and me in Creative Writing. It's one of those things that was incredibly bizarre but made the day just that bit more special. Our mums couldn't stop taking photos of us. Apparently, the formation of the top photo is exactly what it was like in Whiston Hospital in 1997. 

We had our official photographs taken (with a weird little fake diploma) and then followed the sea of graduates and their families down Hope Street. The street was decorated with 'Congratulations Class of 2018' banners and cute little reminders of our time studying in a city we call home.

The graduation ceremony was held in the Anglican Cathedral and I feel incredibly lucky to have finished my university journey in such a beautiful building. Appropriately, a gin van was parked outside as families and friends gathered to have their photos taken. However, I opted out of having a gin - couldn't risk myself stumbling across the stage (which I was already convinced was going to happen). I chatted, hugged, laughed and cried with so many friends who all looked so amazing in their caps and gowns. I know I keep saying this but I really am proud of us all. 

Then before we knew it, it was time to go in. 

I'd say the hardest part of the whole process was trying to find my seat in the cathedral because it's a lot bigger than it looks. Thankfully, Tori and I were sat together and we soon found our seats but we were at the back, right-hand side of the hall so we didn't see much of the ceremony anyway. 

The ceremony itself was emotional but very, very long. As you'll know, you have to watch every student graduate and after a while, it becomes a little bit boring - especially when you're sat at the back and can't see a thing. In the first ten minutes, the girls and I tried to work out just what it is we had to do when we went up to collect our degree. We thought we would have been told before we went in but we had to work it out for ourselves. 

For future reference, if any of you are reading this and are yet to graduate, they read your name, you walk, shake the Chancellor's hand, shake the Vice Chancellor's hand and then walk off. 

You're welcome. 

When it was my turn to graduate, my heart was literally pumping through my chest. I'd been psyching the girls up all morning because I knew they were nervous but as always, I'm hopeless at taking my own advice. Before I knew it, I was handing my card into the woman, she read out my name and I walked across the stage. I shook the Chancellor's hand and he said, 'well done,' and then I shook the Vice Chancellor's hand but he wanted a proper chat. He asked, 'was it hard work?' to which I replied, 'yes, but so worth it.' Then, I walked down the ramp to find my tutor stood waiting to give us a hug. Plus, I DIDN'T FALL!

As I walked back to my seat, I couldn't quite believe what had just happened. I couldn't recall anything, I just did it. Thankfully Bethan's mum was sat front row and recorded the whole thing (which is pinned to the top of my Twitter profile) if you'd like to have a nosey. 

And just like that, I became a graduate. 

A Bachelor of Arts.

With Honours (you can't forget the honours!)

When the Chancellor said, 'you have all officially graduated from Liverpool John Moores University,' the girls and I burst into tears. It was over. The whole stressful, beautiful, hilarious experience was over. We'd officially graduated! We sang the national anthem and walked out in a procession onto the steps of the cathedral. My mum cried (again).

Outside the cathedral was packed full of families, friends and journalists all taking photos of us as we walked out. It was at this point that we went our seperate ways and went to spend some time with our families. My mum and dad couldn't stop giving me hugs and telling me how proud they were. I'll be honest, I was incredibly proud of myself too. 

From being young, so many people wrote me off. My English teacher at primary school told my mum that I'd never do anything because my writing wasn't good enough. In High School, my English teacher told me that I was wasting my time doing a creative writing degree. At University, a lecturer told me that I'd never be good enough to graduate. Well, here I am. 

Bachelor of Arts (with Hons) Creative Writing. 

I DID IT!

After the ceremony, our lovely lecturers held a little party for us at our beloved Redmonds Building as one final goodbye before we left. Tori and I drank too much prosecco and it was so nice to sit and chat with each other's families. My lecturer told my parents that I'm apparently incredibly funny and I somehow made a promise that by this time next year, I'll have turned one of my short stories into a radio play (we'll soon see).

Then, we attended the Prize Giving, drank even more prosecco and found out that one of our favourite lecturers was leaving. He'll be missed but a part of us was so glad that he was leaving with us because he was one of the best. The most emotional part was saying thank you and goodbye to our tutors. They've supported us so much over the past three years and I don't think we can ever thank them enough for the constant inspiration, belief and encouragement. 

I never thought I could ever believe in myself the way I do now and it's all thanks to them. 

In the late afternoon, I returned my cap and gown and we hopped on the train home. We spent the evening at our local Mexican, Sabroso, eating delicious food and drinking a lot of gin. It was the perfect end to a perfect day. 

Overall, the day can only be described as an emotional whirlwind. It still doesn't feel like it actually happened. I have never been prouder of myself than I was when I graduated and it's a day that I'll remember for the rest of my life. I felt so special. Being able to walk across that stage to the sound of applause made everything worth it. I'd do the late nights in the library and the tearful breakdowns again in a heartbeat if it meant that I got to relive my graduation again. 

Here's to the class of 2018!

Lots of Love,

Meg

xxx

University: A Reflection

This month marked the end of an era. 

For those of you who don't know, I've just completed a three-year degree studying creative writing at Liverpool John Moores University. I know it's cliché but I can't believe how fast it's gone, the past three years have absolutely flown by. On the whole, the university bubble has been a crazy little thing. I've experienced a lot and changed a lot. I've grown up. 

With all of this in mind, I thought it would be nice to summarise my university experience in a blog post. It's not only for me to reflect but also for you to maybe learn something about university life.  I know I would have loved to read something like this when I was about to embark on this incredible journey. 

First Year 

The first year of university is commonly referred to as an 'adjustment period' because 'the first year doesn't count'. That's not a lie, it doesn't count for anything. It's the year that students tend to go out every night, spend all their money and socialise as much as they can (it's the only year they'll be able to do such things without feeling guilty). 

I moved into student halls and lived in a flat with three other girls. The flat itself was lovely, we were on the seventh floor, overlooking the docks, and we always had a perfect view of the sunset. However, I didn't fit in and we didn't create a huge group like I'd expected. I thought I'd create a strong bond with my flatmates and that we'd still be friends in 10 years time. Sadly this didn't happen, I had one close flatmate and that was it. I'm not a naturally shy person and I love meeting new people so I was surprised that I didn't click with anyone. The hardest part was seeing my friends from home make such tight-knit friendship groups with their flatmates. I felt jealous, let down and left out. I couldn't understand why I wasn't having the same experience. 

In terms of studying, I struggled. I hated it. 

I felt like I was expected to know a lot more than I'd been taught and I realise that no amount of a-level revision will prepare you for university. After having four months away from anything academic, it was all about getting back into studying again. And believe me, it's harder than it seems.

Originally, I started out studying drama and creative writing as a combined degree. I was this confident young girl, adamant that I wanted to be a drama teacher. However, this didn't go to plan. Studying drama was the worst decision I ever made and looking back, I wonder if I would have had a different experience at another university. I wish I could turn back time. 

Your first day at university is like your first day at school. You want to make friends, you want to impress and you want everyone to like you. It's nerve-wracking and I went through all the same feelings. But I had an added pressure. A demon of a drama lecturer. 

He was disgusting. That's the only word I can use to describe him. He made me feel worthless. He made everyone laugh at me countless times, and all at my expense. He made frequent comments about my weight and appearance (something I've struggled with from a young age). I was always told that I wasn't good enough. I remember him calling me gormless and doing an impression of me to everyone. They all laughed. 

I'd leave his sessions every week in tears. He'd always ask me  'why the f*** are you on this course?' and I never knew what to say. One day, I'd had enough. I turned around and said, 'I don't know' and I never went back. I was very lucky that this happened before the deadline to switch courses. I sent a few emails, changed a few documents and just like that, I became a single honours creative writing student.

The hardest thing to realise at university is that you're not at school anymore. Gone are the days of calling your teacher 'Miss' or 'Sir', a university is a place for everyone. You'll be in lectures with people twice your age and you all have the right to be treated like adults. I noticed that this lecturer treated the older students with respect, yet I got nothing. You're not a child anymore and you deserve to be treated like the young adult that you are. I wish I would have realised this sooner.

In terms of friendships, it was a strange year. I was trying to find out where I belonged, who I belonged with and just where I slotted into the university puzzle. Freshers was cool but there wasn't a social side to it and some of the societies I joined were simply boring.

I made a few friends on the drama side and mainly stuck with the combined honours clique. However, when I changed courses I was thrown back into the deep end and forced to start the friendship thing all over again. Luckily, I met these lovely ladies on my first day as a single honours student and I'm very lucky that they've stayed with me throughout.

Due to other events, I fell out with my college girl gang (which, now I look back, was a complete blessing) and I lost a lot of the drama friends who had listened to me cry countless times over that stupid lecturer. It's okay to be losing friends at university and again, I wish I would have realised this sooner. Every time you lose friends, you gain friends. Everyone is in the same boat and most people are very friendly.

I'd recommend joining facebook groups for your course and for your student halls. I found all of my flatmates on these groups and it means that you'll see some familiar faces on your first day, making things that little bit less daunting.

Second Year

The second year was my least favourite year. I can't tell you how many times I considered packing the whole thing in and dropping out. I was downed with a huge bout of anxiety which, in turn, meant that my social life went downhill. I realise this anxiety had something to do with my terrible start at university and looking back, I wish I could tell my lecturer just how much his comments both hurt me and changed me.

A creative writing course is very different because unlike most degrees, we don't sit exams. It's understandable because how can you sit an exam on writing? It's something that needs to be worked on over a long period of time (or in my case a few weeks!). The workload was so much more than I ever expected and because of my anxiety, most of my assignments were completed and submitted an hour before deadline. If I can give you any advice, please don't do this. It's a miracle I completed it.

In terms of living arrangements, I moved back home with my parents. As much as I loved living in my little flat, we had a lot of problems with student housing so I made the decision to make the move back home. I'll be honest, I loved it. I only live half an hour away from the city and as I was only in uni two days a week, it made more sense to commute.

I also got a job working in my local market as a Saturday girl on a hair and beauty stall. It was the perfect job to balance with my studies. I'm still working for them two years later and loving my job more than ever.

As I previously said, my social life went downhill. I felt like I didn't fit in and didn't belong anywhere. I was trying and struggling to get back to my old self. I'll admit, it took me longer than I thought. It was also the year that I fell out with my best friend of fifteen years. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. However, I realise that outgrowing friendships is part of growing up and is in no way a bad thing, as long as you are happy.

Looking back, I was in Disneyland Paris more than I was in lectures but I don't know how I would've got through the second year without it. It was escapism and introduced me to a gorgeous group of friends who I hold so close to my heart. I'm very thankful.

In a nutshell, it's a year that I do like to block out of my head because it's a year that I don't like to remember. However, I'm glad I made it through. I could have dropped out but I didn't and that is one of the things I am most proud of.

Third Year

The final year.

My favourite year.

The third year saw the biggest change for me, not only in my personality but in my happiness. I can say that my third year is the happiest I have ever been at university and although it's been stressful, I'm sad that it's coming to an end.

Socially, it's the best it has ever been. The group of friends I had on my course expanded and we have grown so close in this past seven months. It was the university friendship I always wanted and it's sad that it's happened in our final year. I lived at home again, my job was going well (working three days a week) and I had a great group of friends at home. It was brilliant.

The workload increased again and although everything was submitted on time, I struggle to think about how I would have completed the year without my circle of friends constantly picking me up when I felt like I wasn't good enough. We're a group of personal cheerleaders.

My confidence was at an all-time high, in both myself and my writing. My anxiety was reduced and it makes me wonder if I would have had more self-belief if I didn't have such an awful start at university. I need to learn to stop dwelling on that but his comments have been tattooed on my brain. It's sad to say, but I'll never forget it.

The whole last half of the year (January to April) was a whirlwind. As we don't sit exams or write dissertations, my creative energy was focused on a forty page script, a short story, a full writing project, a report and two essays. I stayed up until 5am, had two hours of sleep, went to work and spent every waking moment in the library. At one point, I felt guilty for sleeping because I knew there was work that needed to be done. I drained myself out and by the end of it, I was exhausted.

But, I did it.

I went to collect my results last week and I'm delighted to say that all of my hard work has paid off. I was graded with a high 2.1 in all of my assignments (0.4% from a first) which is pretty damn good if you ask me.

 If you follow me on Instagram you'll know that I've just had my graduation ball which was a beautiful night full of love, laughter and gin. We've also got the launch night of In The Red coming up, which I just so happen to be getting published in (a massive achievement for me).

It's incredibly exciting and I'm very thankful for all the opportunities I've had.

And just like that, three years at Liverpool John Moores are over. 

I'm hugely grateful to have had the opportunity to go to university because although it hasn't been my favourite period of my life, it's taught me a lot about myself and my values. Liverpool is a gorgeous city and I couldn't have picked a better place to study; it's inspiring and vibrant and the people are so welcoming. I'm very proud to call it my home. 

Looking back, I don't think my course was the right choice but I don't know what else I would have done. I needed to do something creative as an English degree wouldn't have been beneficial. I needed to be busy and doing things. I needed to create something. 

It just goes to show how vital those first few weeks of university are. If you're not happy with something, don't hesitate to change it. I nearly left it too late and I wish I would have spoken up sooner. I spent so many weeks facing abuse when a simple email solved everything. Well, not everything but you know what I mean. 

University will not be what you think it's going to be. Ignore the movies and the books because it's all lies. Guaranteed, you're going to have a good time, an interesting time BUT only if University is for you and you want to spend three years of your life studying and working hard (because it's the hardest you'll ever work in your life). Remember, you don't have to be doing what everyone else is doing. If you have the slightest doubt about going to uni, then wait a few years. It's not going anywhere. 

My final year was the toughest but by far my favourite. I've made friends I'll keep for the rest of my life and I'm thankful to them for simply being them. They've kept me sane throughout and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself - from looking over work to giving me hugs when I had various breakdowns in the library, I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to spend three years with. 

My tutors are some of the most inspirational people I have ever met and to have the pleasure of working with them has been brilliant. I would never have got through this degree without their continued support, coffee breaks and Horatio's spontaneous trip to Manchester Airport (yep, that's right, I had a lecture on a train headed for Manchester Airport). 

Overall, the experience has made me stronger and taught me a lot about myself. In some ways, I'm glad the whole drama thing happened because I learned that I don't have to take abuse from someone. I have a voice and I can use it, being myself is the best person I can be and there are always going to be people who will tell me that I'm not good enough - it's my choice to believe them. 

I can write, I am a writer and I'm incredibly excited to see what the future holds. 

'I never aimed for correctness, I just wrote fiction.' 

Lots of Love,

Meg

xxx

Guess Who's Back!?

{Photo by Emma}

Well, hello again.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Three whole months to be exact. Three months without anything to tell you, yet so much has happened. I’d like to sit here and pretend that I have something really exciting to update you on, but I don’t.

The truth is, I decided to take a little break from blogging to focus on my degree. I know you’re probably fed up of me talking about university, but it’s been a huge part of my life for the past three years. And on Monday, I finished for good.

It’s been the most stressful three months of my life, what with trying to meet deadlines and balancing a 9 to 5 job. Towards the end, I found myself relying on coffee and energy drinks to stop me from going insane (even though I’m pretty sure that happened anyway). I said goodbye to my social life and my Disney holidays and switched to spending every waking moment in the library.  I even had to turn down various blogging events which is something that was so hard for me to do. It's three months that I’ll never get back, but they were vital and I’m hoping that all the hard work and sleepless nights have paid off.

Leaving University has left me feeling both proud and upset. I knew I was never going to be ready to leave, sure I wanted the deadlines and the stress to be over, but I didn’t want to leave the student life. I didn’t want to leave the friends who have been like my family. Everyone’s going on to do different things with different people and it’s hard to let go. It feels like it’s over before it’s begun. But, we’ve got graduation to be looking forward to. It’s crazy to think that I could have been graduating with a drama degree. 

So, what else has been happening?

Well, aside from finishing my degree – which I’m pretty happy with, by the way – I’ve been working, going to the theatre and planning lots of lovely blog posts. I’ve been to see The Rat Pack and Wicked, both of which were outstanding, and it was lovely to be in different surroundings and spend time with my loved ones. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll also have noticed that I've been getting into the rugby recently, particularly rugby league. Now, don't get me wrong, I was the least sporty person in school but Dad dragged me along to a Saints and Wigan match, and I've never looked back. It's been so nice to do something with my Dad, just me and him. If Saints get to the final this year, you can guarantee we'll be there! 

Last week, Mum and I took a trip to Leeds to visit the Emmerdale Studio Experience (expect a blog post coming soon) and I’ve had two pieces of writing published in the last month. So, you could say that things are starting to look up – at least that’s what I’m hopeful for.

Am I back blogging?

Yes. And it feels so good.

When I submitted my final assignment on Monday, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I wasn’t tied down to anyone. I was free to write whatever I wanted to without someone scrutinising every word. But I got myself stuck in a rut. Writing has become a chore for me. It’s not enjoyable anymore and I need to get myself out of that mindset.

This week, I’ve been catching up with some of my favourite bloggers and reminding myself why I started to blog in the first place. From now on, this little space on the internet will be the only source of writing I do. It’s where my heart is and it’s where my heart has always been. I hope now that my degree is over, I can finally get back to loving what I do.

I’ve got an exciting couple of months planned, what with a graduation ball, my 21^st birthday and my graduation itself. I can’t wait to document my journey and bring you along with me for the ride.

Here’s to the future!

Lots of Love,

Meg

Xxx

It's Time to Go Back

Today is my first day back at University - I'm officially a third-year and I don't know how to feel.

 I mean, I'm graduating this year - how crazy is that!? It doesn't seem like two minutes since I pulled up at my new student halls, an eager beaver desperate to make new friends and develop her love of both acting and writing. Two years later, the acting ship set sail without me and I find writing such a chore. I'm hoping that this will change in my final year though, I know it's going to be a lot of stress but I'll be able to write about what I'm passionate about and that always makes things easier. 

With a new academic year comes new goals and a new positive mindset to get me motivated. I've raided Tesco for a bunch of new books and pens, my timetable is colour coordinated, my work schedule is perfectly balanced with my studies and I'm ready to work my little bum off to get a good degree at the end of it. There's going to be no more procrastinating watching videos of pandas on slides or watching X Factor auditions from 10 years ago just to avoid doing any work and I'll definitely be getting my work done ahead of deadline week instead of three days before they're due - I learned my lesson last year, three sleepless nights and endless amounts of coffee was not the way to go about passing the second year but I somehow managed it. I'm going to spend more time in the library and more time socialising with my Uni friends - I really don't spend enough time with them. I also promise not to neglect my blog and to make time to do things that I enjoy doing - it's all about having a good balance and I'm determined to do that this year.

It's crazy to think that this time next year I'll be a graduate, wandering around aimlessly, not knowing what to do with myself. I'm both excited and curious to see what the future holds for me and how my career prospects will change this year - I'm hoping a lot of exciting opportunities will reveal themselves and I can't wait for all the adventures they're going to take me on. As this blog - and you guys - have been with me throughout my University journey, I'm looking forward to sharing everything with you because the third year is a pretty big deal. It's going to be full of stress, tears, potential dropouts and a lot of early mornings but hopefully a lot of laughs and memories too. I hated my first year of Sixth Form but loved my final year, and as I've hated my first two years of Uni, I'm hoping that my final year is going to be the turning point that I need. 

After six months away from Liverpool and the maze that is the Uni Library, I feel excited and ready to get back writing again. Yet I find myself feeling nervous - I may be a third year but it still feels like my first ever day at Uni. I suppose these first day nerves never leave, do they? 

Come at me third year, I'm ready for ya!

please remind me of this blog post in three weeks time when I'm stressed and contemplating dropping out for the sixth time. 

Lots of Love,
Meg

xox

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Is University worth it?

If you're currently in your final year of sixth form then the words 'UCAS' and 'Personal Statement' will cause you to let out a long sigh and prepare yourself for another long lecture about how University is the thing you should be doing. Well, I promise you're not going to get that from me. It's very clear what tonight's blog post is going to be about, but I'm not going to sugar coat it; I'm going to give you my complete honest opinion. 

We have it drummed into us that University is the answer to all our problems; it's what we need to do in order to be successful in life, but is that really all true? I think not. That's very controversial I know but it all depends on the career you would like to go into. If you would like to go into a medical profession, law or teaching then a degree is a necessity for you to be able to get a job in that field. However studying something such as writing, architecture or English doesn't really need a degree; I don't need a degree to prove I can write. I'm literally sat here writing this with no degree and I'm doing fine. 

In my opinion, and I need to make that very clear because I'm speaking solely from my experience and the course that I am on, I think that University is a complete waste of time. If the career you want to go into doesn't need a degree then I would say to go and try and get a job rather than waste three years of your life, and hell of a lot of money, on the shambles that is Unversity. I'm speaking now from a writing point of view but I'm currently paying £9000 to be in Uni for six hours a week and here's the best part; I finish the whole thing in March. If you want to do the maths, then that means that each month I'm at University it costs me £2000. I could think of better things to spend that money on. Not all courses have you in for such a limited amount of time, a lot of my friends get 20 hours of tuition time a week and surely that means they're getting more for their money. I'd really like to know where this £9000 goes because I really don't see any improvements. In my eyes, we pay £9000 for lecturers to forget to show up, computers that always break and a snazzy library card with our photo on it.

Despite my rant about tuition fees, Uni is not the most dreadful experience in the world. It's taught me a lot of social skills and allowed me to meet so many different people. It's also taught me a lot about myself in terms of how I think other people should treat me and my own personal values. Although I can't say that I have loved every second of my time at University, I definitely think it's an eye opening experience. Your location and course are so important; I would recommend to choose a course that you're passionate about but that does come with its risks as you may end up hating something you used to love. I've definitely made this mistake with my course. Choose something that you're interested in but don't choose your hobby; you don't want to associate something that relaxes you with anxiety and stress. 

In a nutshell, I personally don't think University is worth the debt or the stress. I'm too far gone into the University bubble to quit now, and I may do a post on this next year and have completely changed my mind, but for now I really regret my decision. I think colleges should be forced to give you other options aside from University such as apprenticeships and travelling. At the end of the day, all your degree is is a piece of paper with your name on it, it really doesn't mean anything. If your dream career needs you to have a degree then go to University and live your dream, but if it doesn't or if you don't know what you want to do then I would leave it for a few years. University is always going to be there, there's no age limit! 

What are your opinions on University?

Lots of Love,
Meg

xox

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Bullying in Education is a Thing

If you didn't already know, today is 'Stand Up to Bullying' day, and this morning my television has been bombarded with celebrities supporting the campaign. Some celebrities have been telling their bullying stories; most of which have consisted of another student bullying them during their time at school. I understand that this is a horrible time because similar to these people, I too was bullied throughout my time in high school and I absolutely hated it. 

However, I feel like this is the only type of bullying we try to make people more aware of. When I mention the word 'bullying' to an older generation they think of someone stealing your money in the school yard. When I mention bullying to a younger generation they think of cyber bullying and someone causing you to seriously hate yourself or not wanting to go to school. I think it's amazing that we are being made more aware of how to spot the signs of it and encouraging younger people to speak up if they are being made to feel worthless by someone who is probably insecure in themselves. 

Although these are the main types of bullying, there is something that is being hidden away and less publicised. Another type of bullying can occur in the educational field, and although it is less common, it is something I have experienced countless times and I think we should be made more aware of it. This type of bullying is when a teacher actually bullies one of their students. 

My Experience

I have heard about worse cases of this bullying but I can only share with you my experience. Before I even begin to explain what happened to me, I want to make it clear that everything is now sorted and I am happier in myself now. 

So I think we all know that I pretty much loathed my first couple of months at University because I wasn't happy with the course I had chosen. It wasn't necessarily the course I wasn't happy with but one of the lectures who was supposed to be supporting and guiding me through the first year. I studied Drama and Creative Writing as a combined degree and ended up quitting the drama aspect due to a teacher who made me feel pathetic and worthless. 

When you first start University, it's like starting a completely new school. You know absolutely no one, apart from maybe a few people who you've found doing your course on one of the group pages on Facebook. Generally, you just want to be able to fit in, make friends and for everyone to like you. I'd started off pretty well, I got on with all of my flatmates, I'd made a few friends on the Creative Writing side of the course and I just couldn't wait to get back up on stage. 

My first drama session with this particular lecturer was a complete shock to the system. I was so used to the drama staff being so lovely and supportive but he was nothing of the sort. He was the type of guy who would scream at people if they couldn't manage to cry properly on stage, he used to make you do things over and over again until you got it to the standard he wanted even though he could see that you were trying your hardest for him. I understand that this seems like tough love, pushing us to be the best we can be, and of course some directors are this horrible. I think looking back it could have been his way to get us used to the industry. 

When it came to my turn to perform, I got told various times from him that I was 'shit' and he even asked 'Why the fuck are you on this course?'. This completely knocked my confidence straight away which resulted in me not volunteering for things and speaking when I was spoken too. This aggravated him further as he wasn't particularly fond of his quieter students. When he used to tell me that I was 'shit' and that I couldn't act, I just used to feel the whole class looking at me and laughing. In one session, I did something wrong and he called me 'gormless' doing an impression of me to the class and making everyone laugh at me. I then became known as the weird girl who no one asked to go anywhere or wanted to be friends with. I was also told that I had terrible skin, due to the fact I never wore make-up to these intense drama sessions as it was just sweated off anyway.

I would come out of his sessions every week, ring my Mum and just cry down the phone to her. I feel awful for doing this now because  she must have felt so helpless. I'm in Liverpool crying my eyes out and she's at home and there's nothing she could do. The final straw for me was when he said to me, for the umpteenth time, 'Why the fuck are you even on this course?' and I just thought to myself 'I don't actually know'. I wasn't happy and I used to dread waking up on a Thursday because I knew I'd have to go and sit in a room with him for 4 hours, being shouted at and told I was shit. 

I decided to quit drama, and was extremely pleased when the University allowed me to do so. This meant that I lost contact with the few friends that I made on the drama course but I think I was all cried out at this point. I couldn't give any more time to that department or that course. Quitting was extremely hard for me because I'm never normally a quitter, and more than anything I felt like I had let my old drama teachers down. We all had a really close relationship with them and managed to keep in contact at University. It's only since going back and performing for them last week that I realised I didn't let them down at all. 

When I quit, I had to give a reason as to why. After a bit of a talking too from my Mum, I told the head of the department everything that had occurred and they told me to rest assured that they would sort something. I had quit at this point so I don't know if anything ever did get sorted but from what people in that class told me, he became a little softer and a lot nicer. At least I changed something for them and hopefully future students. 

I never really considered what he was doing as bullying because I'd experienced much worse in my time. But looking back it was a form of bullying, and yes it did occur in a teaching environment. The thing that really made me realise this is something my Mum said to me. She said that University is a place for all ages to learn, and this guy wouldn't have spoken to a 60 year old lady like that, so he had no right to speak to me like that which encouraged me to speak up and get something changed. 

I know this blog post was probably a lot to read but I definitely think this is something we need to be made more aware of. Teacher/Student bullying is a thing that occurs on so many teaching platforms across the country and around the world, but it's something that just seems to be shoved to the side. It is by no means acceptable and definitely not something that should be allowed in schools. If you're being bullied by a teacher then you need to speak up, because you can't be made to be feeling worthless in a place where you go to learn. They have no right at all to speak to you in that manner; they should treat you with as much respect as you have for them. It works both ways. 

We need to stand up for all types of bullying! 

Lots of Love

Meg

xox

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How to Ace your Drama Audition!

This time last year, I did my first drama audition at Bristol UWE. It was potentially one of the most daunting experiences of my life, I'd never done actual auditions before and knowing I was fighting against other people for a place at Uni really put some pressure on. From the very start, it was never my intention to go to a University down in London, I think London was just too big for me. This is why I applied to mostly small Universities. 

With any University that you apply too, especially to do drama, you will have to go through some form of audition, or interview; or sometimes even both. I was very lucky enough to be offered places from each audition that I went too, which was incredible for me. It really makes me feel strange at the fact that people saw something in me, because sometimes I find it very hard to believe in myself. So, in this blog post, I'm going to give some tips and advice on how to make the best impression in your drama audition and hopefully gain yourself an offer from your dream University!

Prepare

Not all auditions will ask you to prepare a monologue to perform to them, but the majority do. I went to two auditions which asked me to perform a monologue, the others just did some group workshops and made us read from some scripts. If you are going to one of those auditions which asks you to prepare a monologue, my advice to you is to make sure that you pick something that you know and something that you are comfortable to perform. Also, make sure that you know everything, make sure you know your lines and make sure you're not going to mess up. They look for people who have potential and people who are professional. Be as professional as you can. 

Don't feel intimidated

It is more than likely you will be doing a group audition, which means that you will be auditioning with people you have never met before in your life. Everyone in that room is in the same boat, so don't feel intimidated at all. Make the most of the situation, be approachable, go and speak to people. They'll notice that you're being sociable and they'll really like that about you. 

They're not monsters

Okay, so I know I just said that they're looking for someone who is professional. But they're actors themselves, they've been in your position and they understand that you're nervous. If you mess up your lines, they'll understand and they'll let you start over. They're not scary, and they're not monsters. They're really forgiving and the majority are very lovely. 

Spoken Interview

If it's part of your audition to have a spoken interview, just make sure that you are being yourself and are polite as possible. They're going to offer the place to someone they feel they can work with for the next three years. It's common sense, but just make sure that you're lovely and polite and they will love you. 

Teamwork

They want someone who is able to work as part of a team. So just make sure that you're being kind to everyone and make sure that you speak to most people. Like I said, they want someone who they can see themselves working with for the next three or four years.

Wear comfortable clothing

Okay, so just don't turn up to your audition in jeans and heels. Wear leggings, a loose top and trainers. Everyone is dressed the same, so don't worry how you look. Just wear something that you will be really really comfortable with.

You don't have to do what everyone else is doing

In one of my auditions, I did a comedy monologue (it's always best to play to your strengths) whilst every other person did a Shakespeare monologue (not that there's anything wrong with that of course). So when I came out of that audition, I was gutted, I basically thought I was screwed and my dreams of University had gone. However, it made them take notice of me, because I offered something different. You really don't have to be doing what someone else is doing.

Be Yourself

This is the most important thing. 

I know you're going for a drama audition, but don't put on an act. Just be yourself, don't be nervous and I promise that you'll be fine. But most of all, enjoy yourself. If they see that you're enjoying yourself, they're going to take notice of you. And the activities they make you do in your workshop are always so much fun!

I hope that's helped some of you!

Comment and tell me where you'll be auditioning!

Lots of Love,

Meg

xox

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Which University should you choose?

It's coming up to that time of year again. By now, your UCAS Applications should have been completed and sent off and you'll be waiting for offers from your chosen Universities. However, which University do you choose? 

It's one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make, and also one of the most important. You want to choose somewhere where you are going to thrive and grow as a person. Where you feel safe, happy and will want to spend the next three or four years of your life. 

The best thing to do is to go and visit the University for their open days. This is the one thing that will help you ultimately decided which University you will be starting at in August. When you go to these open days, you get a feel for the University, talk to the lecturers of your chosen course and look around the student accommodation. The best open days to go too are held in the term time because you get a real feel for the University and the City you will be living in. You probably won't believe me when I say this to you, but as soon as you enter the University, you'll know straight away if it's somewhere you want to be. If you don't feel comfortable then don't even consider it. You want to feel safe and happy. 

Another thing to consider is if you want to live away from home. If you are 100% sure that you don't want to move away and live in student accommodation, then don't choose a University that's a six hour drive away from where you live. The reason I chose Liverpool is because it was far enough from home that I could live away, but close enough to home that I could get home if I needed too. If you're querying about moving away, my advice is to just go for it. When you arrive, every single person is in the same boat, but you'll form such a close bond with your flat mates and you'll meet so many new people. Also, you find that you become much more independent as a person, you have a lot more freedom and it's a nice thing to have responsibility. When you go home and see your parents, you'll also discover that there will be less arguments, because you spend more time catching up on all the gossip you've missed whilst you have been away. 

It's not just the University you choose that you need to be comfortable with, you need to be content with your surroundings. If you don't feel safe in the city you will be living in, then please don't go and study there because I can guarantee that you won't enjoy your experience. Do you hate cities? No problem, there are plenty of Universities in little towns such as Bangor and Crewe. Make sure you've considered all of your options. Don't just jump in and make an instant decision. Some Uni's don't turn out the way you want them to be. Make sure that you feel inspired, especially if you're doing  a creative course. 

Once you've received all of your University offers, I would recommend, if you can, going looking at the University you are thinking of choosing as your firm choice one more time to make sure that it's definitely right for you. Sometimes, you can change your mind, but that's okay, as long as you're going to be happy. 

Finally, the last thing is the grades, or points, you'll need to get into the University. Make sure you have a safety net to fall back on if exams don't go your way. If you're only predicted to get B's or C's don't choose two A* Universities as your final choices, you need something you can fall back on, and you don't want to be disappointed on results day. Also remember that there's always clearing, so if you don't get the grades, there's still a chance you'll get in. 

All I can say to you now is that you need to follow your dreams, and do what you love. Do not let anyone force you into going to a Uni or doing a course that you don't want to do; make sure that you are doing what you want to do. Make sure that you work hard for your exams, all the hard work pays off in the end I promise! :)

Good Luck!

 Lots of Love,

Meg

xox

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