Why I'm Okay Being Single In My Twenties

Happy Valentine's Day! 

There's nothing quite like Valentines day to remind you just how single you are; if it's not the soppy posts on Instagram then it's the lack of flowers on your doorstep. At one point, I would have said painfully single but this past year, I've realised that being single isn't actually painful at all. 

I was never a girl who was bothered about dating. Whilst most of my friends were out with their boyfriends and swiping on dating apps, I was quite happy in my own company and focused on my degree. Of course, I had little flings here and there but nothing I'd consider to be serious. I didn't conform to society's pressures of being in a relationship in my late teens and that's okay, I was a firm believer that it would happen when it was meant to happen. 

However, when I graduated I felt lost. I'm more than aware that life doesn't play out like the movies and the chances of meeting the love of my life at University were slim, but I felt the need to have some kind of companionship. I wanted to be moving on with my life and I don't know if it was loneliness, boredom or cluelessness but a relationship felt like the next best move. 

And so I joined the weird and wonderful world of Tinder. 

The idea of meeting the love of my life on a dating app was unrealistic but there I was, sat in bed trying to choose six half decent photos, write a witty little bio and select  'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' by Whitney Houston as my anthem *cue the cheesy pick up lines*.

At first it was a bit of harmless fun. I wasn't on there to mess around, I just saw it as a chance to speak to someone new. I spent my evenings swiping, matching and chatting, never intending to meet any of the guys in person. That is until I started speaking to someone I actually clicked with, plucked up all my courage and went on my first ever Tinder date. We went for a walk along the Albert Dock in Liverpool and I thought it went well. Clearly, the feelings weren’t mutual because I got ghosted an hour later. As you can imagine, I was gutted. 

Little did I know that this experience would prepare me for what was to come. In the past two years I've dated a guy who already had a girlfriend, a guy who was still hooked on his ex, a guy with the personality of a brick wall, a guy who was a catfish, a guy who loved nothing but himself and a guy who just 'didn't have the time'. As you can tell, it's not been my greatest success.

Dating is just the same old thing over and over again. 

And honestly, I am fed up of it. So, I deleted the dating apps.

I've had a lot of time to think over these past few months and I've realised that I was associating certain points in my life with the person I was dating instead of the achievement/milestone I was making. I don't like the person I become when I start dating someone. I completely forget who I am and neglect myself and the things that I love. It's exhausting putting your time and effort into getting to know someone for it to just crash and burn. It's a web of overthinking, heartache and disappointment.

Seriously, who's got the time? Just talking about it makes me feel tired. 

Why has society made us think that it's not okay to be on our own?

Yes, I know third-wheeling can be awkward and embarrassing, especially when the PDA comes out. And I know that sometimes being single can feel lonely but that's okay. I'm living with my parents, I've got no partner, I'm not dating and guess what? I love it! 

I've never felt so empowered. I can be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do.  I've got no attachments, nothing holding me back and not to be cliché but I really am living my best life. I wanna book a holiday? I'm going. I wanna buy that dress? I'm having it. I wanna eat my cereal out of the box? You bet I'm doing that shit. 

I won't lie, sometimes I do look at couples and want what they have but at the same time I know that it'll come to me when my heart is ready to carry it. It's not that I've given up on love completely because apparently the best things come when you least expect them, but right now I'm more than enough for me. 

Maybe my future for now is on my own and that's totally okay. In fact it's more than okay, it's bloody brilliant. 

Lots of Love,

Meg x

How To Get Over The Guy You Never Dated

I think we can all agree that catching feelings is messy business, especially for someone who doesn't feel the same. As much as we make ourselves promise that we won't get attached, it's inevitably going to happen but just how do you get over that one person you couldn't call your own? 

 Personally, it's a situation I find myself in time and time again. I either go on a few dates and get ghosted or admire from afar and realise that the guy is completely out of my league. Regardless of the situation, that dreaded feeling lingers. A web of 'what if?' and endless amounts of wondering why I wasn't good enough. 

In recent months, ghosting has been a common occurrence in my dating life and it SUCKS!

I've been on dates with guys and things have gone really well. We've had a second/third date and then they just disappear. They delete from all social media, ignore messages and leave me with a bunch of feelings that I can't shake off. It frustrates me that people think that they can mess with other's feelings because they're unsure about their own.

When it comes to love and dating, I try to protect myself as much as possible. I don't like allowing myself to be vulnerable or taken for a fool but I'll admit, being ghosted is embarrassing. It hurts to know that you weren't on the same page; you thought they felt the same way with all the compliments, flirty banter and the good morning texts but it meant nothing to them. You feel like you were 'almost' good enough and wonder what you did to let them down. 

If this rings any bells then rest assured that you're not alone. After talking to a few of my girlfriends, I've realised it's a common thing for guys to do, yet it feels stupid to have all these feelings for a boy who you never made it official with. I like to refer to this kind of relationship as an 'almost relationship' and sometimes, I think they're the hardest to get over. 

So without anymore waffling from me, here are some things that might help you get over that guy. 

Remember that you're entitled to your feelings

Never feel like you shouldn't be sad because the relationship wasn't official. It's okay to cry and feel emotional, in fact, I guarantee that you'll feel better after a little rant to your girlfriends. 

Practice self-love

Remember that you are the most important person in this situation. Treat yourself how you deserve to be treated. Watch all the romantic comedies and Disney movies that your heart desires - it's nice to see romance go right even if your love life isn't working out. 

There's nothing wrong with you

Even though you might think that everything is your fault, it's really not. The fact that someone has messed with your feelings because they're unsure of their own says more about them than it does about you. Keep reminding yourself that you don't need them - you coped without them before and you can cope without them now. 

Switch Playlists

Make a playlist of all the songs that make you feel fierce. I'm talking Beyonce, Ariana, Whitney and Little Mix. There's nothing like a strong female playlist to make you feel like you can take on the world. 

Keep yourself busy

Channel your energy into something creative and occupy your mind. It'll defer from the temptation to check their social media every hour and sinking into the black hole of wondering why things didn't work out the way you wanted them to. 

Delete them from social media

Following on nicely from my last point, deleting the guy from social media always helps. I'm constantly doing this, so take it from someone who knows that checking their Instagram to see if they're in a relationship does not help matters. You need to be rid of them in order to move on. 

Your friends are your lifesavers

Guarantee, they'll be there to pick you up when you feel at your lowest and reassure you that the guy was punching anyway. You can do so much better, trust us! 

Treat Yourself

Knowing that you weren't right for the person that you wanted can really knock your confidence, especially when you don't know the reasoning behind their actions. My advice? Browse ASOS, treat yourself to that dress you've always wanted, go out with the girls and forget that he even existed. 

The final thing is to have faith.

In life, you learn that not everyone is going to like you, people can be horrible and not everyone treats people how they'd like to be treated but the right person will come along. Why waste time crying over a guy when you can be living the single life to the fullest? You'll also learn not to catch feelings when going on dates - if you don't expect things to go right, it'll be a nice surprise when you finally found the guy you've been waiting for.

I'd love to hear if anyone else has found themselves in this situation and what you do to deal with it!

Lots of Love,

Meg

xxx

{Photo by Emma}

I'm Just too Picky...

As you get older, it somehow becomes mandatory for you to be in a relationship - to have that one person who is both your best friend and lover. It's impossible for you to turn up to a family event alone without being bombarded with questions about your love life and your parents always book you into your own room 'just in case' you've found the one by the time the event rolls around. As you know, I share everything on this blog and one of my favourite things to talk about is relationships.

 I'd go as far as to say I'm a hopeless romantic and as unrealistic as it seems, I want to meet someone at the park walking the dog or at a supermarket like you see in the movies. The romance associated with meeting someone new is dead and I blame Tinder. I'll admit I've been on tinder a few times and I'm one of those people who download it and delete it on a regular basis - it truly confirms to me that guys are assholes and just when I think they could have changed, I download Tinder and just like that I get six cringe-worthy pick up lines, two people asking for my number, seven new friend requests and ten new followers on Instagram. It's just too full on, and the sooner I realise that it's not like the movies, the better. Tinder creates this unrealistic representation of people - I wrote a blog post all about it because it just drives me insane. 

So, why am I single?
It's a combination of things - I haven't found the one yet, I want to focus on my life path and I'm dedicated to the writing and the degree right now. I'm basically in a relationship with my writing. However, there's one answer that stands above the rest and it's that I'm just too picky when it comes to men. It's a good thing to have standards because it means that you know how you want to be treated but what do you do when your standards have exceeded human expectation? I'm not even sure my ideal guy exists anymore. 

It was a dating show that made me realise just how picky I am. There's something about watching dating shows that make me so happy - I'm an avid fan of First Dates and if you follow me on Twitter then you'll know that I non-stop tweet about the show when it's on. When I watch these shows I like to play along and say who I think the girl should choose or who I would choose if I was in her situation but I find faults with everything. It's not a good trait to have and I'm aware that no one is perfect but when I see people on dates and I see some of the things they say or the way they act towards one another I'm literally sat there like 'How have you not walked out by now?'. 

I'm often told that I'm never going to find someone if I don't lower my standards. I've been on many nights out with friends where they've seen a guy at the bar who is just 'my type' and when I turn to look at him I find something that I don't find attractive. Obviously, everyone has something about them that you're not going to like but once I notice this thing, I can't stop it from annoying me. It's very rare that I can overlook it and I see it as an indicator of if I really like someone - if I can over look this kind of thing then we might actually be able to go somewhere. 

Recently, I was at a girly sleepover with some friends and we wrote a list of what our ideal guy would be like - my list was way longer than anyone else's. There's something seriously wrong, isn't there? And it's not just appearance, it's the way they act, what they do in their spare time and they way they treat the people around them. Just a few things on that list include: brown curly hair, brown eyes, plays piano, good sense of humour and has a nice smile. Does such a male even exist? 

Does anyone else feel like this in terms of their relationships and being single? Or am I alone in this boat of picky single people? I'd really love to know your thoughts on this topic so leave them in the comments!

Lots of Love,
Meg

xox

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Should I Swipe Left or Right?

Welcome to 2016, where the idea of romance means swiping right or giving someone's photo a cheeky like on Instagram. Compliments are no longer existent and have been replaced by fire emojis with some love heart eyes thrown in, and all you need is over 20 likes on your instagram selfie to give you the reassurance that you look great. People don't physically talk to each other anymore, gone are the days when you'd bump into someone at a bar or have a good chat in the street; instead we just avoid the embarrassment and drop each other a message on Facebook. It's like we don't possess the confidence to actually talk to people anymore, has the world actually gone mad?

I blame this whole thing on the dreadful invention that is Tinder. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think Tinder is all that bad and I know people who have had wonderful relationships that have started on the app.  However, it's completely changed the way dating used to be. Yep, I'll admit it, I joined Tinder one drunken night in Liverpool for a bit of a laugh and I absolutely hated it. Okay, it was fun at first, swiping left and right. It's basically just a way of judging people before you've even got to know them. Then, you talk for a few weeks,go on a few dates and  just like that you have a new relationship. 

We literally have to sell ourselves, like people sell houses at an auction, just to find a little bit of companionship and I think that is incredibly sad. One the one hand, it's amazing that we are able to re-invent ourselves and show that little bit of confidence we may not have in person but that then gives a false impression and is that really fair? What I'm trying to say is that you can never trust the people you meet on apps such as Tinder; when do you ever find good things in a sale? 

In the modern day we are so consumed by our jobs and social media accounts that it's so hard for us to actually meet people. My parents met through friends of friends and 27 years later they're married and have had a child. It's very hard for them to process the fact that things aren't like that anymore; meeting people through going out with friends just doesn't happen. My generation would much rather stay in and binge watch a series on Netflix than actually go out and meet people.

Speaking of not making the effort, there's no proper dates anymore which makes dating completely unappealing. 'What do you mean by a proper date?' I hear you ask. Well by a proper date I mean dressing up and going out for a meal or doing something really different like a theme park.We just don't make the effort and go for the easiest option; I hate to say it but romance is completely dead. If dating means going out with someone to watch them text other people on their phone and take a few snapchats to prove that they've actually left the house then count me out. I'd rather not go on a date with someone who's just going to sit on their phone all the time. From a female point-of-view, Gentlemen don't exist and if they do then they're incredibly hard to find; you're probably not going to find a guy who will give you his jacket in the rain and if you do want one of those guys then I can guarantee you will not find him on Tinder. 

We are so consumed by our appearance and comparing ourselves to others that we forget the things that are important. Sure, to love someone we do need to be attracted to them physically but looks aren't everything; I'd personally rather have someone who can make me laugh than a catwalk model with the personality of a mop but that's just my opinion. Tinder makes dating less about meeting someone you really get on with and more about the way you look. For example, you could swipe left on someone who can make you laugh and will give you and amazing date for someone who has the personality of a brick wall and doesn't have any of the confidence they seem to have in their bio. It's an utterly ridiculous concept.

However, I am a huge fan of shows such as First Dates. The idea of going to a fancy resteraunt on a blind date really intrigues me. I've considered applying for First Dates a couple of times, mostly when alcohol has been consumed, as I think it'd be an eye-opening experience. I am a firm believer that love will come looking for you when you're not looking for it. Imagine getting to know someone over a nice meal and having instant replies rather than tearing your hair out trying to decide if they're ignoring your messages or if they've just gone to sleep. 

I think I've made it very clear that I'm an old-fashioned, hopeless romantic, but I'd love to hear your opinions on the whole thing so leave them in the comments below. 

Lots of Love,
Meg

xox

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